so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
