You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
