Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
