I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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