oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
