There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
