I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
