awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
