I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
