No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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