I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
