did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
