Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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