my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize