how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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