smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
