I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I met the friendliest cop last night
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
