I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
