Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
