I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
