You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Where is the hickey?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
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