Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I've blown a few things in my day
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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