I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
