I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
