nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
