Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it's like iHOP with fire
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
