that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
