it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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