Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
