i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I want a musical about memes.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize