Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
