in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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