So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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