At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
