Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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