i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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