I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
