Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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