Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
