We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He passed out mid-signature
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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