i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
