So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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