I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
