Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
