Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
