We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize