toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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