ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
