I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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