It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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