i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
