Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I need a beard to bite.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
