Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
