Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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