I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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