Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
