If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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