Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
