I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Acid is not a monday night drug
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
