So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
