before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
