When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
