The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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