I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
