She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
